TIFU Accidentally Taking my Philosophy Midterm Drunk - 4/3/2017
By, Alexander M. Lech
So this happened yesterday. I’ve been studying for this philosophy exam for a couple weeks now and I really need a good grade to maintain my scholarship and continue attending college. After arrogantly declaring with blind confidence how prepared I was, my roommate decided that we should drink to celebrate my upcoming and inevitable success. We held a small dorm party with some beer and a few girls brought wine. All was well.
At this point I should mention that one week ago I had my wisdom teeth removed. All four were impacted, it was splendid to say the least but they hadn’t quite healed up yet, nor had they stopped hurting for that matter. The surgeon had asked me to rinse out my wounds with water and a syringe and as we began drinking I realized that it was about time to do so.
I got my syringe and noted that we were out of water bottles in the dorm. So naturally I filled the syringe up with the closest liquid I could find: red wine. At this point the entire party felt the need to express to me how bad of an idea this was. But, I had just finished studying and it seemed perfectly acceptable to me, and so I proceeded.
Now I have a pretty high alcohol tolerance and I was only a few beers and four syringes in, one for each hole in my face. But fifteen minutes later I was really feeling it. I was totally and inconsolably sloshed. Honestly I don't remember much more but I was told that I fell asleep not long after the events outlined above. The new skin must’ve been extremely sensitive and allowed the alcohol to enter my bloodstream fairly quickly.
I woke up to my alarm, a clean room, and a monster headache. I'm sure a few of you know what it's like to wake up both drunk and hungover and so do I. My face hurt, I was on the top bunk, and I would soon have to relearn to walk. But I had an exam to ace and by golly I was going to see it through. So I hopped on my longboard and set out for the lecture hall, but it soon became clear that longboarding wasn't an option given my current intoxication. So I picked it up and walked. Fifteen minutes later I arrived at the hall in yesterday's clothes, drunk, and with longboard in hand. Everyone knew. But I grabbed my pen and went to town. Socrates would be proud.
TL;DR Got drunk the night before an important exam in a very interesting way. All and all drunk me had some ballsy blind confidence about him. I think I did very well but the wine was poorly aged. 6/10.